life through pink colour glasses: An update and a theory

Thursday, April 27, 2006

An update and a theory

Alright, so I’ve got a new job. It’s nothing exciting, just another boring old ad agency, with boring old clients and a pile of briefs that are, you guessed it, boring and old. It’s not the job I’d been dreaming of, you know, your standard columnist for the New Yorker - writing dry and wildly witty pieces about anything that caught my fancy, hobnobbing with a bunch of snooty cultural elite who throw words like “passive-aggressive” and “uber” ever so often in their conversations, watching foreign films and having endless discussions about the lighting, reviewing upcoming new writers and giving my opinion on what I thought was the sub-text of the books…you get my drift. Part of the reason I’m not living the dream might be that I never applied. Somehow, the opinions-of-a-married-woman-living-in-Bangalore pitch didn’t sound too exciting. Would my “journey to find the perfect weight loss system for a lazy person with no willpower” interest the New Yorker? How about my “acute observations of a person’s expressions as he or she drives in the opposite direction on a one-way road”? Yeah, I didn’t think so either.

So I’m back to doing what I can do with my eyes closed. Write ads convincing mothers of what’s best for their little darlings, coining Hinglish phrases (for my international readers, that’s a mix of Hindi and English, a godawful new language we advertising types are forced to communicate in), behaving like what I do actually makes a difference to anyone and when awards time comes about; trying to cure breast cancer through an ad. What I do is beyond lame and the only reason I’m doing it is because it’s something to do and then there’s the money thing.

The money is just okay; sure it’s better than what I was drawing at my last job but when you’re making peanuts for a living, peanuts with sprinkling of salt can hardly be considered a killing. The office is cute enough and my boss seems nice. Now I’m just waiting for my jinx to rub off and bring this place to the unavoidable ruin it’s destined for.

Yup, I am the original l’il jinx when it comes to jobs. Every place I’ve ever worked for sees the lowest time in its financial life soon after I join. When I started work six years ago, the agency I was at was doing so well they bought us all new computers and took us to holiday at posh resorts in the hills. By the time I quit a year and a half later they had put a limit on the number of cups of coffee we could have in a day. Every other place has seen a similar fate. They lose existing clients for the most peculiar reasons, they fail to gain new ones because clients refuse to join an agency with such few existing clients. It’s all a bizarre bizarre phenomena that cannot be attributed to anything logical. After bringing numerous ad agencies to the brink of shutting down, I’ve concluded that it has to be me. I’m not being self indulgent or wallowing in self-pity; I’m just going by statistics. I happen to be the medium through which bad luck touches business enterprises.

Today I can proudly say that if I joined Microsoft it would start posting losses by the next quarter. If I joined an oil rig, it would dry up. If I became Pamela Lee’s secretary, her boobs would shrivel up and turn to squeezed lemons. Frankly, I think it’s a gift. I’d make an amazing weapon to use against a competitor. Just slip me into the system and I guarantee its doom within 2 years or less. Or your money back.

So you see, that’s why I’m not so upset about joining this crappy job that bores me to tears. I work here for a bit, make my money, shut the place down and I’m off on my Europe trip. When you’ve got a plan that solid, why despair?

Posted by that girl in pink | 12:20 am | 27 comments

27 Comments

at 12:59 am Nautilus said...: With a plan like that, you can go wrong :-)

BTW, nice blog. Haven't yet read all the posts, but I'll be back!!
at 1:39 am Vijayeta said...: Ummm...Your New Yorker life, sounds very much like my post-grad years at film school! And it's all so boring! I mean, no one knows what any of that means, but everyone tries to be oh-so-intelligent! It's kinda blah, trust me.
Being lil Jinx? Now, that's interesting. You could be the next Weapon of Mass Destruction, hehehe! Wait till George Bush hears of you ;)
Meanwhile, i could think up a few places where your special God given 'talent' can be put to great humanitarian use. You could be business manager for any of the following:
1. Himesh Reshammiya
2. Ekta Kapoor
3. Shobhaa De
These are all the names I could think up at this hour...I'm sure there are more!
Oh! You could work for Aastha Channel, India TV, etc too
:p
at 1:46 am Vijayeta said...: Just saw yr replies on the previous post. You're right, but let's put it this way... Since we've all become "self-involved, materialistic and totally clueless" there's not much we can do about it. And we're all wise enough to let go of our I-Can-Change-The-World-and-the-way-it-thinks! thoughts & ideas. And while we're seeking an alternative, or not, or whatever...it helps if we're looking fabulous, no?
at 3:52 am Nessa said...: I think it's great that you've found a specialty to excel in. I think you need to go with it and do some mass advertising for yourself. You've got a winning (losing?) concept there for sure!
at 6:42 am Jenn said...: Does it have to be the New Yorker? I would love to read those articles you suggested - they sound way interesting...why don't you find another world-renowned magazine to write for?

I kinda know what you mean. In the 11 years I was in my newspaper it sort of went down and down. There were times I wished they would just close us down and have done with it. I mean, why bother stringing on a diseased limb?

However, the three years I was at uni were the uni's peak years. When I left, enrolments dropped drastically (of course this also had something to do with stuff that was going on with regards to the education policy over there but I prefer to ignore all that). It was me. All me. Here at least, I was the good luck charm. The anti-jinx.

Yoo too could be an anti-jinx (say it in the tones of an American ad, with finger pointing straight at you)
at 11:33 am lemontree said...: hey pink. this jinx is completely marketable. lets look for people who would pay.

btw i have my own lil jinx: any place that i join, we move offices within the same kind of time frame that you mentioned. so youd remember how our first agency shifted offices, then the research company i worked for finally vacated the place they were forcibly occupying for like 24 years and last i heard my current employeer is shifting. So I think there maybe a proposition here as too - i think i should identify harassed landlords :)
at 12:03 pm that girl in pink said...: nautilus : welcome to pink world. as you can see, logic; reality and plans that actually work are completely dispensed with here. do come back for more nonsense.

vij : do u think advertising ia any different? just the other day i had a one hour discussion about the difference between a creative idea and a brand idea! like, just run a truck over me and kill me already! we're beyond shallow and i'm just sick of it!!!!

goldennib : he he! this is the first step in that mass advertising plan. maybe some vindictive bugger somewhere will stumble upon this space and employ my services.
at 1:01 pm that girl in pink said...: vij : hey again! this one's for your other comment. according to me looking good and wearing cuts that suit your body type should be made mandatory! but what next? i'm just so bored of the whole urban late 20s lifestyle i'm part of. partying, gossiping, shopping...yawn.
maybe i'll learn an instrument. hmm...yeah there's an idea.
the weekend is almost here and i can so see myself fretting about what to wear for whatever's planned. plans of learning to play the piano will be so forgotten. man, i'm full of shit!
p.s. just re-read my earlier comment to u. i sound a little aggressive, eh? totally not my intention! sorry abt that.

jenn : you know how it is when you're young and just starting out? everything seems important and exciting. few years into the business and you start to see it for what it really is.
and hey, any writing work would do. i just need to get out there and start looking. and like i keep promising myself, i will!

lemon : he he! your jinx is way more marketable than mine! like you said yourself, tough tenants, mcd law breakers...you're their person!!
at 1:53 pm Indianpeppone said...: *evil glint*
What do u say to joining the Australian cricket team as a 'tickled pink' supporter???

Or one better...

Join the underworld.... :-)
at 2:20 pm AlterinG Abhishek said...: HOHOHOH!
very interesting..
BUT WHERE IS THE THEORY???
at 4:00 pm Nessa said...: What is that 'pink bowler hat with wheels' symbol near the comments button?
at 11:15 pm william, the bloody said...: Maybe u should be the next whitehouse intern:-) Ruin their president and reduce them to a third world country
at 1:24 pm Sue said...: If you want jobs in Cal(cutta) I can tell you places I'd love to see ruined...
at 12:02 pm Ar Ar Ar Arrrrr said...: I just pray that you dont enter the company I am in...coz I really need this job badly...so that I can enjoy salty peanuts at the end of the day :D

Hehehe...kidding!!

I agree with you..when the plan is solid, dont despair..go for it...

PS: If you get a job as Pam's secretary, pls see if there is any vacancy for me...Im okie if her boobs squeeze down to lemons while Im working for her...
at 12:34 am It's me said...: Uh ho! now that you mention it, you do seem to have an art/jinx/flair for sending a company into the depths of financial ruin! Though I have to say, I don't think anything (barring the once tried surgery) can shrivel those humongous-baby frightening-accident causing-gravity defying-monstrosities on Pam.
at 10:24 pm that girl in pink said...: indianpeppone : i could do that! that way they'll lose even if they played against the under 19 indian team!

alter abhishek : the theory is...you know...the jinx one...

trust me gutterspace , it's not a quality to be proud of. it's awful to join a place and then be told to do something marvellous cuz if we lose this client we shut down!

goldennib : that was my attempt at a little transparent bag with a pink handle. i didn't get the shadows very well, hence the complete failure. :(

pwf : maybe i should just start with the bangalore vidhana soudha!

sue : if all other attempts at a career fail i will get in touch with u. for a small fee i will be happy to add my ashubh touch to any company you'd like sunk.

arz00n : he he. will keep u in mind my friend :-)

it's me : you've noticed it too na?
and don't bet on pam's boobs just yet. my powers can be very strong.

thanks everyone for the many suggestions you'll have come up with! who knew there were so many evil minds at work on the net? I feel so at home now!
at 2:43 pm Arunima said...: when are you joining Microsoft?

I can't wait :-)
at 4:32 pm ichatteralot said...: Good to see familiar ..er.. faces! Nautilus, Sue and Indianpeppone! I know what you mean ... my husband suffers from a similar jinx! But we stopped caring long back!
at 7:34 pm shub said...: hahaha....maybe u should just join a company's competitor and get paid the company in question for running them outta business! :)
at 9:33 pm Hyde said...: I moved to a new place too. But then you know all about that. :-)
at 4:07 am twip said...: well.....atleast the pay is more. And youre going on a trip to europe...so thats a good thing right?

and here I am looking forward to a trip to the next state.

Bah.

:P
at 4:38 pm Achtlandia said...: u've been away for quite a while...i love d way u bitch btw...
at 6:20 pm Anonymous said...: Hey. Posting a comment after eons...mostly cus i feel like a total outsider. But anyway, since you said I owed it to you am here : )

Pink, I totally love the way you write...am not convinced about ur jinx theory but if its true then - honey, make hay while the sun shines! to begin with make sure you make enough to take me out eating when am with you next month!

After reading ur latest post am convinced that there's no hope of ever landing myself with the "dream job"...so u're right...may as well focus on getting a 'plan' in place.

-UrPublicist
at 8:40 am Ar Ar Ar Arrrrr said...: Hmmm..
Hmmmmm....

Thanks for keeping me in mind in case of any such vacancies :D
at 12:09 pm Wild Reeds said...: Awesome piece. And superb blog!
at 7:30 am that girl in pink said...: arunima : microsoft hater! i wonder why...

ichatteralot : i think without realising it, i've stopped caring to! why else would i be tom-tomming about it on the net?

shub : that's the plan!

hyde : welcome to the garden city!

megh : the europe trip...sigh. thanks for reminding me of my higher plan. i better start saving!

goddess : thank you for the compliment. i try my best :-)

publicist : thank you for stopping to write a comment woman! am most honoured. and here in pink land, we're all friends, nobody's an outsider. (i sound like a sleazy politician eh?)

arz00n : you're welcome!

wild reeds : thanks! for dropping by and the sweet words.

pink berry : another pink in the house! :-) will keep you posted on the europe thing.
at 5:10 pm Lalit Singh said...: Peanuts with sprinkling of salt
Microsoft it would start posting losses by the next quarter
Pam’s boobs would shrivel up and turn to squeezed lemons

ROTFL
Hilarious