life through pink colour glasses: All that's pink is not rosy

Thursday, February 09, 2006

All that's pink is not rosy

Raise your hands all those who, like me, have at one time or the other hated the name your parents saddled you with. Don’t get me wrong, after 27 years of being me, I’ve accepted my name and sometimes even answer to it but on the whole I do think it’s a tad insipid. See, I was born at a time where every child was named Rahul, Neha, Akshay or Shweta. And in keeping with the trend I too got a double syllable name with a vague meaning, low recall and no sex appeal. Now had I been named Tatiana or Zoya or Rapunzel I would’ve been introducing myself to every stranger on the street but under the current circumstances I tend to be a little more discerning.

So when I got the chance to christen myself on blogger you can imagine how excited I was. It was like going back to that fateful day in 1978 when my family was naming me. Only this time I could talk. And I wasn’t going to come up with some lame-ass Dinku name. No siree, this was an opportunity and I was going to grab it. So I thought hard and I thought creative and I came up with the perfect name. Bursting with pride at my own brilliance and dreams of a bright future ahead with my new moniker I keyed it into the registration form. And blogger told me it was already taken. So I thought some more and blogger rejected me once again. Finally after umpteen rejections and on the verge of naming myself Shweta I found inspiration in the colour of my tee shirt. And thus That Girl in Pink was born.

Although not my first choice That Girl in Pink was at least in my top 500 and I kinda like it. Sure it was a bit ‘girly’ and rather ‘pink’ but it was unique and managed to convey at least one level of my personality. (I’m still trying to discover deeper levels and until such time as I find an undiscovered love for Goth it’ll hold me in good stead.) Most importantly, it wasn’t a name I was embarrassed by. I could hold my head up high as I signed my name on other blogs’ comments page. I even dared dream of a click or two and some new traffic to my blog. But all that changed about a week ago.

The culprit of my humiliation? None other than a dead saint who went by name of Valentine. As far as I’m know no other saint has caused as much chaos as this one. For centuries, this man has single handedly managed to make every human being miserable for one whole month. The unattached mope about their single status and couples fret about what the hell to do with this day apparently dedicated to love (yech!) He is the reason for the existence of an entire disgusting industry of oddly shaped dust attractors called soft toys (double yech!) Centuries after his death he is responsible for “Everlasting Love Songs, Volume 4 million”. He’s the reason radio has a whole week dedicated to finding “Bangalore’s Sweethearts”. But as far as I’m concerned his biggest crime to date is the association of his name with the colour pink.

This awful realisation hit me a few days back when I went into Barista for a smoothie. As I was placing my order and gearing up to saying no to whipped cream, ice cream, chocolate sprinkles or pieces of brownie the guy behind the counter asked me if I’d like to try their Valentine’s Special. In response to the quizzical look on my face he pointed me to a bunch of posters around the place. That’s when I noticed that the usual warm browns of Barista one is used to had been brutally attacked and taken over by pink. And not just a hint either. There were giant pink paper hearts, milkshakes with pink strawberries and pink heart shaped pastries all over the place. Every table I looked at had humungous pink tent cards asking us to give into the spirit of love. I bolted out of the coffee shop in horror, only to be assaulted by the colour outside. Suddenly my eyes were like inversed guided missiles, searching out pink and getting destroyed in the process. Stores, malls, restaurants, newspapers, even the Internet…the pink valentine invasion was widespread. It was enough to make me sick. And the greatest irony of it all – I am That Girl in Pink. I can run but I will only be taking the dreaded enemy with me.

Today I look back and wonder why I couldn’t have been wearing some other colour during my naming ceremony. There’s no way That Girl in Off-white could’ve come to bite me in the ass. Damn you St. Valentine! I don’t know whether you were hung or you died rotting in jail but whatever it was, you deserved it! Grr!!

While on the topic of love, I have been tagged by my friend Lemontree. The rules are:

1. The tagged victim has to come up with 8 different points of their perfect lover.
2. You have to mention the sex of the target.
3. Tag 8 victims to join this game & leave a comment on their comments saying they've been tagged.
4. If tagged the 2nd time, there's no need to post again.

So here goes:

The Perfect Lover – 8-point program

Sex: Male

1. Should love to laugh. My agenda for life is to laugh and smile and have as good a time as I possibly can. My lover should be the same. A sense of humour, the ability to see the lighter side of things and a complete aversion to moping and sulking are indispensable.

2. Should be intelligent. There are times when we will not be laughing and tittering over nonsense and I need to be able to have intelligent conversations/debates with depth, knowledge and passion.

3. Should be good-looking. I’m shallow, so sue me!

4. Should know what he’s doing; be giving and open to new things. (If you know what I’m saying.)

5. Should be honest. I can’t stand liars and I need to respect my perfect lover. This means he should be honest not just with me but also in his daily proceedings. No bribers will be welcome.

6. Should get along with my friends. Don’t you just hate it when your best friend finds a boyfriend who only talks to her and has nothing but disdain for all her friends? Well, my friends are a huge part of my life and my perfect lover needs to be able to talk to them.

7. Should pamper me. Part of the purpose of taking a lover (lol!) is so you can feel good about yourself. I need to be made to feel like the queen I actually am and from time to time I need some of my whims to be fulfilled.

8. Should just know. There are times when I need to be left alone and times when I need some mollycoddling. There are times when I’m saying it as it is and times when I’m fibbing. There are times when I want Chinese food and times when I want to have Top Ramen noodles. My perfect lover should know when I want what without me having to spell it out.

So that’s my list and I’m sticking by it. By the way, this might induce some gagging for some but I have to say, I’ve actually found someone who has at least 6 of the above qualities. So yeah, I’m feeling a bit smug.

I now wish to pass the baton on to 8 more bloggers. Sonya, Dee, Goldennib, Shub, Velvetgunther, Sinusoidally, Pyxie Queen and Spider Girl. Go on. Play God!

Posted by that girl in pink | 11:06 am | 16 comments

16 Comments

at 12:03 pm velvetgunther said...: Hey thanks, I'm honoured!
I was already tagged for this by Enemy of the Republic so I'm posting the same thing here as well, until I come up with eight new attributes:

Has a handy collection of masks, whips and asphyxiation toys

Will allow me to use her underwear as a slingshot during emergency

Does NOT get repeated phone calls during sex

Does NOT start talking about my, or her, mother during sex

Must have two, and not more, and certainly not less, nipples (masumi max?)

Must not remind me of the awful truth that she deserves much better than someone like me

Must not let it come to the point where I have to think that even I deserve much better than someone like her

Becomes an exploding rocket, sometimes ;)
at 3:16 pm lemontree said...: hi girl. let me not add the colour this one time. hillarous post.

and i so know what you mean by not liking your name. you know my parents could have done better as well.

anyway for now lemontree works. other than this banal conversation at a blog meet where everyone thought that lemontree was a guy. anyway decided not to attend blogmeets post that.

and congrats on the six. :)
at 7:57 am Spider Girl said...: Hello!

My mother thought she was giving me an original name; unfortunately everybody in Canada in the early seventies was naming their girl children Jennifer at the time. Sigh. Spider Girl...much more distinct for blogging purposes.

Heh, by the way, I don't mind being tagged but as I've been very, very married for 13 years and also very happy with my fellow, I'd embarrass poor Jeff if I made a post about his best qualities.

However, much as he is loving and romantic (no complaints), the both of us share a horror and disdain for Valentines Day and absolutely boycott it. I know lots of people who do. :)
at 1:47 pm velvetgunther said...: Yeah, I've got a copy of those 12 cartoons. Mail me your e-mail ID at velvetgunther@rediffmail.com, I'll send them to you.
at 5:48 pm DK said...: When i first stumbled upon your blog i was convinced you were 'Girlish' (in that pink-all-the-way-all-the-time girly way) and then i read "oddly shaped dust attractors called soft toys" and went way to go Ms well guided feminist! After having read the entire content im thinking 'your a true blue bangalorean'!

Also, whats with a name? A rose with any other name smells just as sweet! Our existentialist intelligence gives us enough license to help us take refuge under various 'Names' :)..hence the innovative blogger identities.
at 1:38 pm that girl in pink said...: VG: Thank you for the quick response. It's nice to see you have more on yr mind than just sex when it comes to the perfect partner. :-)
The whole cartoon controversy...hmm, i'll have to dedicate a whole new post to what i think. thanks for providing the evidence.

lemon: i like yr real name. u have no right to complain. u know i do!

SG: i've been married for two years, but as you can see it doesn't stop me from quickly generating lists!
Val day-show me one person who celebrates it!

gutterspace: i feel your pain sister! although i have to say, u seem to have had a tougher deal than most. BTW, i couldn't fig out this short form. do tell.

DK: thank you for going beyond the name & forming an opinion based on content. i've categorised you as "cool chick" based on that comment alone. :-)
at 5:11 pm Nessa said...: Pink was never one of my favorite colors, the connotations all too girly, until I read you.

Good stuff.

My name was so different at the I was growing up. Now I know my parents were trend setters.
at 10:14 pm Anonymous said...: mrs gullu/pinky or whoever the hell you are, how long did you think you could keep a secret. i found you when i went online to find someone to repair my mixie. are your "thyer"?
at 11:27 pm that girl in pink said...: gutterspace: maal! u poor thing. hopefully we'll make better choices when naming our kids. or dogs. or whatever.

goldennib: thank u :-)

anon: mrs gullu? is that u? how did u find me? i have to call you...i had no idea u had a mixie!
at 4:41 am Nessa said...: What happened to the pink?
at 9:52 am sinusoidally said...: Tag has been done.
:-)
at 4:32 pm Arunima said...: enjoyed it. I guess, I am here the first time.
at 12:08 pm that girl in pink said...: hey goldennib & dee, the pink was really awful eh? the kind that gives all pinks a bad name. decided to sober down for a bit.

vyom, sinusodially & arunima, thank you! :-)
at 9:52 pm Hyde said...: "My perfect lover should know when I want what without me having to spell it out."

You know, that is like writing an exam for life.

Besides, that attribute alone ensures there is no perfect lover. :-)
at 11:04 pm a s a said...: wow. so much for and against pink. i just discovered you. you're a delight. in a non pink shade of pink.
at 12:37 am shruti said...: Well written blog . Really liked it .
"He is the reason for the existence of an entire disgusting industry of oddly shaped dust attractors called soft toys (double yech!)" - never could figure out why people bought and gifted soft toys and why did girls like them ???