life through pink colour glasses: ...

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

...

There’s nowhere I’d rather be than here. On this wonderful place we call Earth. From sandy deserts to humid rainforests, rosy mountain folk to tan beach bums, thorny cacti to plump tulips, diamonds to platinum, it’s amazing how much just one medium size planet has to offer. And of all of nature’s abundances and phenomena the one I’m most in awe of is its weather system.

Thanks to the wonderful cycle of seasons you can experience four different worlds without having to budge from one place. Year after year you can experience new beginnings with spring, experience the glory of the sun in summer, get a live demo of gravity during fall and enjoying cuddling with a loved one when it gets cold and dark in the winter months. Ah, the wonder of seasons. Good for faith in the creator, great for fashion and its creators. Four different worlds, for your pleasure, right at your doorstep.

Although, that’s not true for India, is it?

For most of us, barring those (lucky bastards) who stay in the mountains, the Indian weather pretty much comprises of two seasons. Hot and unbelievably, mercury-soaringly, record-breakingly, energy-sappingly scorching! Depending on the moods of the rain gods, we may or not may not see a few drops of rain once or twice in a year, and even then the temperature doesn’t go down that much. Sometimes as a joke it becomes really cold for all of 48 hours in a year. News channels frenetically cover the anomaly; Lux Cozi sells thermal underwear by the kilo and then before you can say “Hot Cocoa”, the temperatures are back where they belong: way up near the ‘Groan, this is a going to be a tough summer’ mark. End of season sales start in February and we start pulling out our skimpy cotton tops even as relatives abroad are sending pictures of blizzards they’re surviving daily.
Clearly, when assigning seasons to India, Mother Earth was going through PMS.

Down south, in the we-don’t-need-no-infrastructure capital of the world, Bangalore, summer comes in even earlier than the rest of the country. The sun beats down ferociously and most of us would rather perform knee surgery on ourselves than step out during the day. Lethargy envelops all of God’s children as even the mosquitoes become decidedly slower. I killed three on my arm yesterday. They were so sluggish they didn’t even attempt to fly off and opted for a lazy death instead.

We try to beat the heat by guzzling gallons of alcohol but the strict 11:30 shutdown law cuts that down to a minimum. With no other source of entertainment Bangaloreans flock to malls and the surge of humanity becomes too much even for those giant heavy-duty air conditioners. Every place smells of heat and restlessness. How did Bangalore ever get so hot is the question on everybody’s lips. Wasn’t this known as the air conditioned city? When is it going to rain? Has the government managed to fuck the weather up too?

Suddenly office seems welcome because at least you’re assured of air conditioning uninterrupted by power cuts. For a now freelance writer like me (Anyone need any writing jobs done? Do mail!), my modus operandi involves cooping myself up in my bedroom and refusing to step out till sun down. It’s got an AC, a TV and a stylish bedside lamp to read to my heart’s content. As far as getting through the summer goes, I’m set. (That is until the electricity goes off. Then I take to my balcony and wait for superman to come and rescue me from this city on fire.)

Television is always entertaining, especially with the 5 million news channels on air. I do so love watching Rajdeep Sardesai and team yell and scream on CNN-IBN. At this point I would like to make a pitch for an increase in Mr. Sardesai’s pay. Whatever they’re paying that man is undoubtedly not enough. He hosts every program, is on location of every breaking story and if nothing else, he should get a bonus just for being the most excitable newscaster on air. I implore him to take some time off and get in some rest and relaxation. It’ll do all of us a lot of good.

New reservation quotas, cancelled matches, badly stitched fashion wear, there’s enough to keep me glued to the TV. But then the good comes with the bad and when they start devoting hours to a controversy over cricket caps (?) and Upen Patel’s debut in Hindi movies (??!!) one is forced to switch off the idiot box and take to entertainment that is usually more consistent. Books.

I’ve been reading all sorts of stuff the last couple of months. From Shantaram to Lipstick Jungle to Love in the Time of Cholera to Beloved to good ole’ William whenever everything else gets too intellectual or too ditzy for me. Don’t worry; I’m not going to bore you with a review of every book. I would however, like to share a thought that has been forming in my mind for some time now.

Now, when it comes to a truly great romance one of the most necessary ingredients, I believe, is a hot, sweltering summer. (This theory is based purely on all the books that I’ve ever read in my life and that number is pitifully small. Besides, there are exceptions to every rule so there’s always room for a romance set during an expedition in Antarctica.)

I find that nothing depicts longing quite like the oppressive heat of a tropical land. Consider these familiar descriptions of an unspoken love: tiny sweat beads on a young girl’s forehead, indicative of so much more than just the temperature; an old ceiling fan, whirring dully in the background as the melancholy lover ponders over his sad fate; a tall glass of iced tea on a hot afternoon, held against the neck by the beautiful and delicate plantation owner’s wife; lovers meeting secretively under the stars on a warm and starry night.

The soaring mercury not only plays cupid, but also makes it easier for the author to suggest to us the extent of attraction between the two protagonists. It’s also a good excuse for the nubile young girl to be undressed and have the strapping young man inadvertently see her, only to be followed by a good old fashioned roll in the hay. (Er, here I think I might have crossed into Mills & Boon or cheap 80s Hindi movies territory...)

Pick up A Suitable Boy, or The Thorn Birds, or Love in the Time of Cholera, or Lolita or any of Maugham’s love stories set in the Far East, or countless other love stories the names of which I can’t remember now. All set in the hot months from May through August.

Now, in case anyone has started to wonder what I’m rambling about allow me to present my case.
India: Hot Country.
Summer: Breeds Lust.
India: Huge population problem.

Do you get what I’m saying here? While the rest of the world has only one fourth of a year to get frisky, we are procreating all year round. The cause of our population problem is not lack of education, no no oh no, it’s the weather. Warm and grimy all year round, perfect for all kinds of romances.

Obviously the government has quite a task at hand. Providing free birth control is so much easier than handing out Air Conditioners. Our only hope? A complete change in world weather. With ice caps melting and trees being cut down, very possibly India could soon be Canada. As it is, we have almost as many Punjabis as they do, so we’re already halfway there.

So all of you who say “save the environment”, I say go crazy with your sprays and your non-pollution checked vehicles. And then who knows, the next post I write about might just be a bitch session about the wind-chill factor!

Posted by that girl in pink | 12:51 am | 28 comments

28 Comments

at 4:01 am Anonymous said...: Believe me, if the cold of an Antarctic expedition doesn't put the Khybosh on any romantic feeling, the lack of washing facilities and the fact that probably at least one of you will have a ginger beard with bits of ice in tends to finish the job!

Having said that, a couple of friends of mine called Bettina and J-G are currently getting close to the North Pole and they have never had any trouble getting cosy. so who knows. . . .
at 5:36 am Nessa said...: Very funny and unexpected.
at 4:10 pm It's me said...: hey! you gotta gotta gotta write a book!! awesome blog! loved the soon-to-be-like-Canada part..hahahhaha
at 6:36 pm Anonymous said...: You are wasting your talent on jobless readers. Your art of writing should not be limited to those who stumble upon bloggers.com but be available to the world.
at 3:11 pm Sangeeta said...: Just ordered tall glass of iced tea (to hold against forehead). Will keep you posted on developments :)
at 4:12 pm lemontree said...: hey pink! like the post. and it has the characterstic pink wit, paricularly mother earth going thru PMS, mosquitoes opting for a lazy death.... had me in splits and then the hope of romance in the soaring mercury, given the delhi temp, tomm seems promising ;)
at 10:56 pm Vijayeta said...: Welcome back :D I've also discovered today that reading blogs provides for good coffee breaks... Am still struggling with the LFW edits (the final deadline has been moved from 14th to TOMORROW!) so no time to reply to comments on my blog...but thanks for dropping by again and dealing with Mr. Vasu... I feel most shallow, as i realize how much i love clothes and my savings plan is completely structured around the fact that Jimmy Choo is now coming to India... :(
And yes, interesting thought there about Summer Heat and Lust, and the bitabout we dont need no infrastructure. Brilliant!
By the way, what did u think of Lipstick Jungle? A trifle too overrated and an overdose of "We're women yet we're doing so much", dont u think?
at 11:54 pm that girl in pink said...: tony : you're a bit of a real life hero, aren't you? i went to your site and i was very impressed. i of course have no idea how easy or difficult it is to get it on in antartica but with your inputs i'm thinking i was right!

goldennib : thanks sweetie!

dee : well at least you have some other season to compare your summer to!

gutterspace : you're right, sept to oct is the weather we want. blore used to have that but alas, that's true no more...

sonya : he he! thanks son. that's what best friends are for!

anon : jobless readers? Let me have u know i am a jobless reader! but i think you meant will with insulting comment. so i thank you, along with a quick reprimand.

lady writer : you're boring! developments take place and you never actually tell.

lemon : it's gonna happy baby! u know it is...;-)

vij : hey, thanks for dropping by in the middle of your busy schedule. good luck, finish your edits fast, come back to your blog and continue the debate.
that jimmy choo has some nerve coming to india. was seeing some prog on tv about their latest collection and all the designs are inspired from india!! the paisely motif, beads, colours...that woman said they found inspiration in goa and jaipur! and now they're gonna come back and sell it to us for hundreds of dollars! groan. and we'll buy them!! double groan.

and now people, how about some feedback on my new template? i got it from http://blogspottemplates.blogspot.com/

is it too pink? too girly? am i repelling every male and slightly tomboyish female in the world? packaging is so important!! do tell.
at 12:46 am that girl in pink said...: p.s. vij: lipstick jungle was such crap! so boring and repetitive and ugh, like we get the message already! first and last book of ms bushnell's i ever read.
at 12:48 am It's me said...: Love the new template. Though 'archieves' is a new one. Or is this some blog lingo -- you know how pre-natal I am at this :) think i write more in your comments book than I do on my own blog!
at 12:54 am that girl in pink said...: sonya: i winced when i saw that too. but it's part of the template and i don't know how to fix it!

thanks for the thumbs up! and yeah, when you posting something on your blog!?!?
at 2:16 am Vijayeta said...: Hehehe...insomnia strikes you too? I looooove the new template :D I think it looks really bright and happy.
I'm so glad you think so about Bushnell's book.
My final edit doesnt end till the next 10 hrs. It's the 2 hour special. No sleep till then :( Pls watch this one on Zee TV @ 6:30PM on Sunday. and let me know what you think (but on email). I'd probably just sleep until then...And i'm on a break for the next 10 days after that. Yippeee!
:)
P.S Sorry for writing a mini-autobiography on yr comments page :p But writing it down helps me feel better abt staying up now. Although, if i were writing for that column i'd probably say i was staying up cos of the early summer and the heat and close proximity with John Abraham lookalike boyfriend...U get the drift ;)
at 2:27 am Nessa said...: I like this look. Very Austin Powers.
at 2:58 am that girl in pink said...: Just finished some freelance work and finally packing off for the day. Thanks Vij and Vanessa for the approval!
Vij, how about the editor your're working with? No hope of an actual romance there?
Vanessa, you're right, it is very austin powers. You know i always wanted to be a young person in the 70s. love everything about that era. especially the fashion!!
Well, good night ladies.
at 8:08 am Vijayeta said...: Good morning now :) My editor??? Oh dear, you have no idea of what TV and film editors are like... They're the source where all gossip and mudslinging start from. Highly avoidable, apart from work... Anyway, i'm tryng to keep sleep at bay. Another 5 hours to go, i hope... :(
at 6:59 pm mad angles said...: Hey - nice template man!

Alas, I totally get your theory but tell me why is it that all my friends and I are single, and you know, Delhi is the HOTTEST of them all.
Something's wrong. Weep.
at 9:17 pm that girl in pink said...: vij : edit over? how did it go? listen, they've shut down all the entertainment channels in blore, to mourn for his highness rajkumar's death. we're only getting news channels (luckily they're entertaining enuf). so anyway, i'm not gonna be able to catch your show man! :-(

gutterspaced : hmm...looks like nothing at blogspottemplates met with your approval. u're back with the black dots!

essar : i think you've found the flaw in the theory, my friend. damn! there goes my noble prize in population control. but you know, you are in delhi...and ahem, no offence, but you know how those delhi boys can be. with a vocabulary largely made up of "teri paen di" what hope does a smart single girl in delhi have?
at 6:48 am Ace of Spades said...: yo pink,
let me know where you plan to be this summer considering the rise in mercury...near the pool or near some hay? nice theory tho.
at 5:55 pm Vijayeta said...: Oh dear! Will this go on till Sunday? That's the 2 hr episode i'm slogging over :( By the way, read the comments on my blog. Your coment's been replied to...and more!
at 12:49 pm lemontree said...: hey pink
love the template. so thats one more in favour.
lemon
at 1:25 pm that girl in pink said...: yo ace , thanks for the thumbs up on the theory. this summer i plan to be at the first spot, which'll most certianly be followed by the second.

vij : gonna mail you.

dee and lemon : thank you!
at 6:37 pm Arunima said...: I just love the template and summer and lust?

I won't allow anybody to bloody come close to me to even cuddle at this hot weather.
at 12:46 am Jenn said...: So what did you think of Shantaram?
at 3:46 am twip said...: ooooo we likey this template!

And,
India: hot country
Summer: breeds lust
India: huge population problem.

is brilliant.
And very true.
at 11:02 am lemontree said...: nice template pink. particularly like the slippers and shopping bag. so pink!
ps how did u finally manage the html bit??? (from one tech challenged person to another)
at 1:00 pm that girl in pink said...: jenn : I enjoyed Shantaram at so many levels: it's a page turner for sure, with mystery, love, intrigue and murder! It's rich in wisdom. Those little pearls that are hidden away in that gigantic book make their impact felt pretty effectively. But mostly, this book made me realise just what a fuckin' awesome country I belong to. I mean everything he says about daily life in India is so true and so taken for granted. But just reading it through his eyes, I was in awe of my own country. loved the book!
also now i get why that dump leopold is so popular...

punkster & lemon : glad you'll like the template. i...ahem...designed it myself. got a friend to help me put it up. THANKS SAM!
at 4:31 pm Jenn said...: A friend of mine told me about it a few years ago (he read it before it caught on). He's an investment banker and he now hangs out in Leopold when he has to go over to Bombay. He met the author there and me, being the groupie I am, whooped out loud when he told me and wondered how I could make it over there, so I get to meet Linbaba for myself.

I loved the fact that it was written by a poet. I think poets make the best writers because everything they say is so evocative.
at 10:52 am Anonymous said...: I wrote a "fuck more and you'll be fine" comment to you in your article about children. But frankly, I am starting to enjoy what you write. I apologize. Its sensitive. Not all of it, but parts of it are sensitive.