life through pink colour glasses: Mi Familia

Monday, January 16, 2006

Mi Familia

Driving down Residency Road a few days back I saw a giant hoarding for a movie called Family. Like every Hindi movie ever made in the last 18 months, it had Amitabh Bachchan. He seemed to be sporting some kind of underworld don type of look. I didn’t get a very good look but I’m pretty sure it’s the same wig he wore for Sarkar. And like Sarkar or Waqt or any of the other crap he’s appeared in there is no way I am watching Family. Haven’t these filmmakers heard of a little thing called branding? You can’t name a movie “Family-Ties of Blood” (Yech!!) and then act surprised if it flops miserably. I don’t know when the bloody movie’s releasing but I can bet anything it’s going to vanish without a trace. Family! Puhleeaze!!

Anyway, after scowling and cursing at the poor innocent hoarding, my thoughts started straying towards my own family. The one I was born into and that comes with seven aunts, two uncles and seventeen first cousins! These statistics include both my parents’ sides, but you’ve got to admit, it’s an impressive number. And it’s an impressive family. Close, loving and like I found out a couple of years ago, unlike any other family out there.

The thing with families is that the only one you really know is the one you’ve always lived with. And naively you think that that’s pretty much how all other families must be. Give or take some traits the basic characters should be the same, right? There’s the fun aunt, the strict aunt, the aunt settled in America, the drama-queen aunt, the talkative aunt, the favourite aunt…the list goes on. And each of these aunts comes with a spouse, with equally distinctive adjectives to describe them. The smiley one, the sulky one, the generous one, the golfer, the bookworm, the henpecked one (whom we all feel sad for, even though his wife is the actual blood relative). In the midst of the ladies are the uncles who come with their wives and they make up the entire motley crew..

And then there are the cousins. Ah the cousins! Cousins are like a bunch of kids, who’re about your age, and who you’ve been instructed to love and get along with. That you’re a kid with your own taste means nothing to your parents. “They’re your cousins! Now go spend an entire summer with them.” Some cousins you actually do love. There are some you barely tolerate and some you outright deny any relationship with. But all your life you will keep up the façade of getting along, as will they. You’ll buy expensive air tickets to make it for their engagements in time, rehearse Hindi dance hits to humiliate yourself by performing at their weddings and buy nice gifts whenever you go on phoren vacations. And though you all fall from the same tree, each one’s a character by him/her self and yeah well, I guess just for that, you gotta love ‘em.

Although we come in so many shapes and sizes there’s a lot that binds us together. And again, naively I thought that these qualities abound in every family. But two years ago when I got married and started to get to know my husband’s family, I realised just how wrong I was.

(Mine) Family of gun throats: Let there be known, there is no distance or inappropriate environment that can ever be a deterrent to our communication skills. When we have something to say, we believe in saying it loudly and with our heads held high. We shout from one end of the house to the other, across big stores, in five star hotel lobbies, whilst talking on the phone, at the airport, across the street, wherever, whenever. Technically there are no family secrets because every neighbour has heard them being discussed. If there are four people in the car, all four of us will yap on our cell phones at exactly the same time, at competing volumes. During vacations and weddings our voices touch all-time highs. We are the obnoxious family who ruined the peace and quiet you were hoping to get at your vacation. Free speech is a right we take very seriously and if we have an opinion (and we always do), we will express it.

(His): There are times when I can be sitting in his house, with his entire khaandaan there and not even know it. Each one is in his or her room quietly doing their thing and only when everyone congregates in the living room is their some quantity of noise.

(Mine) Brutally Honest: So you come home for a vacation and meet everyone at a family dinner. As you enter the room full of family members an aunt spots you from a distance. Delighted to see you after almost six months she smiles and gushes, “Hi fatty! You’ve become nice and roly poly in Bangalore!” Inwardly cringing at the use of the F word you smile and step forward to hug her. Just as you’re planning a quick exit, she gushes further, “Your hair is looking lovely! When did you get it coloured?” Ah well, maybe you’ll stay for a little while longer after all.

(His): Maybe it’s too early for everyone to start saying exactly what he or she thinks. As of now, it’s all smiles and thank yous and compliments. And I’m not complaining.

(Mine) Gossip unlimited: We discuss everything about everyone. Gossip is oxygen to us and the rule is, there are no rules. Swearing someone to silence means nothing. If it’s mildly interesting and comment worthy we will talk about it. We will then discuss the comments that were given at the last gossip session. My cousin and I were once actually asked to shut up in a train cuz we were gossiping while other passengers were trying to sleep. We decided to follow the whole I’ve-paid-for-this-ticket-and-I-can-do-what-I-want path and continued chatting. When one is the target of gossip he or she might choose to sulk for sometime. But that’s only till the next interesting tit-bit comes along and then we’re friends again. I suspect, that besides that big noses and identical hair types, gossip might just be the glue that holds the family together.

(His): I think because we have taken gossiping to new levels nobody else matches up. When I’m with my husband’s family we’d have to be really bored at some family friend’s reception to maybe make a remark about the bride’s lehenga. This is immediately succeeded by a statement of what a nice person she actually is and all my follow up remarks about her hair, make up and jewellery are left unsaid.

(Mine) The non-singers: One might think that in a family as large as ours every kind of talent should be available. And yeah, we do have the painters and the dancers, and the sportsmen/women and the great chefs, and the seamstresses and the knowledge databanks, but in this whole motley mix there isn’t one person with any kind of singing talent. Fresh blood has been introduced into the gene pool in hope of infiltration of some musical DNA but it has never been known to survive. At weddings we try and sing in the hope of passing our voices of as rustic Punjabi sounds but sooner or later the DJ is always called upon to rescue us. That’s when we gamely give up the microphone, hit the dance floor and join in loudly at the shava-shava part of the song.

(His): They sing, they dance, they know how to play instruments, they even know the words of their traditional UP songs. Who knows, maybe my kids will acquire some of that musical talent. One can only hope.

(Mine) Irritability: It’s the age we live in. Everyone’s just so busy and has so much to do in such little time that we tend to say it like we feel it sometimes. Most times. When waiting for someone in the car, in less than two minutes we start honking madly. If we don’t get our way the first time, we immediately resort to screaming. That usually pisses the other person off and a full on battle ensues. By the end of it everyone’s exhausted and forgotten what the fight was about in the first place. You never do anything you don’t want to and if cajoled/blackmailed by a parent into doing it you sulk and make your displeasure apparent. Nobody else gives a fuck about your sulking so very soon you give that up and just try and have a good time.

(His): Politest family in the world. Being kept waiting for two hours is met with a smile and I have never ever heard anyone screaming. All disputes are handled reasonably and while it’s all very ideal it also freaks me out at times. How do they take out their day’s frustrations? Don’t tell me yelling at cell phone and bank customer care personnel is enough!

(Mine) Mithai ka dabba: Whenever anybody comes from or goes anywhere, my nani has to give them a mithai ka dabba. Any protests from “I’m on a diet” to “I think I’m diabetic” to “If a drop of sugar enters my blood stream I will die” will fall on deaf ears. At the most, you will be asked your preference and then the maid is sent to the market. Mithai ka dabbas have been sent throughout the country and even sneaked into the US. This habit has seeped down to the offspring, and although the younger generation prefers to say it with chocolates, the sentiment is the same.

(His): Thank God no such rules dictate their household. The fridge is free for you to raid and if you want something you just need to ask.

There are many other differences in our families from the way we speak to the importance of food (it’s of absolutely no consequence to my family and like a religion to his) to relationship dynamics. At first it’s weird and then sort of amusing. And at the end of the day, I think there is some truth to “blood is thicker than water” adage. Maybe it’s the 27 years of getting used to I’ve had or maybe they’re just cooler! All said and done, my family rocks!

Posted by that girl in pink | 2:54 pm | 25 comments

25 Comments

at 4:42 pm Nessa said...: Very interesting family.

In ours, we yell but never in public. We gossip, but never in public. We blockade strangers.
at 6:26 pm Anonymous said...: well sumarized girl..!
the mithai ka dabba syndrome is really something we need to tackle seriously..
very vivid descriptions of aunts, uncles and cousins.. could almost name them.. ha ha ha..
lov
at 6:46 am shub said...: haha...nice on there:)
at 9:51 am Anonymous said...: A lovely and hilarious piece in ur charactertistic "Pink" style : )

Since i hvnt met the hubby's family, I won't comment on them...but from the limited interaction I'ver had with ur folks/other members of family - they're totally mast and bindaas. So you really seem to hv the best of both worlds!
at 9:52 am Anonymous said...: Oops for got to say that the above was from me - UrPublicist

By the way knowing your hubby, I guess his family is every bit the way you've described them to be!
at 12:50 pm noob said...: Congrats. I thought my blog had the longest URL ever.

And I have no way of conveying to you how happy I feel to see a fellow Indian ackowledging the fact that Amitabh Bachchan is a loser. I've wanted to expose that old loser for the shit that he is for a long time. And the rest of Bollywood.

In fact, I just put up a long post which critcizes Bollywood and its superstars like hell. The victims to my harsh review iclude:- Big B, King Khan, and even Aishwarya Rai.
Drop me a line if you will......
at 12:53 pm noob said...: Oh, and the family bits were very funny. But I thnk it helps when people are brutally honest, at least they aren't pretending....

Family of gun throats eh?? interesting metaphor. You might as well start communicating with smoke signals to your beloved if she happens to live anywhere within the vicinity.
at 11:12 pm lemontree said...: hi pink
hillarous like usual
you know i wonder. is it actually true that some of us our blessed (ouch)with these loud, extremely frank and guffawing families, and there are others who have a more normal existence?
or are the normal ones just putting up an act in front of us. the outsider. strong suspicion. very strong.
at 5:17 am Vijayeta said...: First, you're right abt the wig ;)
Second, the film bombed!
Third, your family is so much like mine. Right down to the mithai ka dabba...and now i'm missing all my aunts and my naani, and the mithai too maybe! Come to think of it, ever since i've been living on my own, i've never really gone into a mithai shop to buy some... Hmmm... (Top of TO-DO list for tomorrow - Buy Mithai)
And now i also miss those summer vacations :(
at 11:43 am that girl in pink said...: goldennib: i think in principal we don't shout in public, but in reality...

rj: they have their flaws but they're still pretty awesome, eh?

shub: thanks!

UrPublicisit: yes yes, i give my family complete credit for my super coolness! :-)

pip squeak: u're right, it's actually a good thing when they're honest. except when it's about your weight!!

lemon: i suspect u're right! i think large families by definition are meant to be a little...well, not normal!

vij: we know AB's secret! la la la la la. i love the burfee you get in delhi. b'lore has it's own delicacies but i love the memories attached with the 'dilli ki mithai'.
at 12:39 pm noob said...: Weight? You might as well learn to accept the fact that you're fat.( Are you?)

I have the unfortunate tendency to bother all fatasses in our school to tears.....Must say I enjoy every second of it....
at 9:41 pm Anonymous said...: pink dearest here i am!!
you forgot to mention the good looks on your family's side ;)
nm
at 11:55 pm lemontree said...: and that is a really feeble attempt by nm to make it up to you
don't give in pink. please.
hehe
at 2:27 pm Anonymous said...: lemon's just jealous pink!
i challenge lemon to deny the legs that go on for miles and miles:) :) :)
nm
at 1:39 pm that girl in pink said...: lemon, you're right. it was a feeble attempt. but you know what a sucker i am!! so in lieu of the praise being showered i've decided to overlook the lack ofearlier attention by nm. :)
at 3:58 pm RT said...: Lol. I guess its 27 years of getting used to mainly.
My folks are pretty much like yours in a lot of ways and his are just too soft spoken, traditional and more traditional. :-)
Only difference I see is the reversal of roles when it comes to music. I have a set of 39 first cousins. Now the probability of someone singing in tune from this sample is not such a surprise..:-)

And yes, AB's wig sucks!
at 6:00 pm Unknown said...: Very interesting read

got me thinking about my family.......
at 11:16 am Anonymous said...: Been a long while since you wrote anything...why so?

UrPublicist
at 12:29 am lemontree said...: ok pink at an even 20 comments let me tell you that you need to come back to blogging. and btw you have been tagged. check my blog for details.
at 10:04 am Anonymous said...: Listen post something... PLEASE!!!!! You owe it to us - your loyal readership ; )

UrPublicist
at 10:34 am that girl in pink said...: *blush blush* I'm gonna post real soon girls! somehow for an unemployed person i'm terribly busy these days! but i love my blog and i'm gonna write.
please stay with me!!
at 10:25 pm Deliciously Alive said...: This reminded me soooooooooooooooooo much of my family!!!Esp the mithai ka dabba!
:))))))))))))
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