Tuesday, September 20, 2005
The Higher Purpose
There comes a time in everyone’s life when we start questioning why we were put on this earth. This question has been poking me for a few years now and as I approach my 27th year of existence it’s become more of a hard nudge. There’s got to be more to life than just breathing and existing. Jesus had his cross to bear, Gandhi had the country to free, Hitler had a few hundred murders to carry out, Dharmendra had bizarre dance steps to develop…everyone has had a higher purpose. So what’s mine?
At first I felt I’d hit my groove with shopping. It gave me immense personal satisfaction and I was also substantially contributing to the lives of businessmen all over. Clothes, bags, shoes, home furnishings, shoes, jewellery, food items, (did I mention shoes?), I was at the top of my game. And my shopping sprees were truly selfless. There have been times when I’ve bought stuff I’ve never even used. Fruits and vegetables have been bought only to rot and die due to non-usage (apparently there’s a limit to the days “Mummy ka Magic” chalta hai). Clothes few sizes too small have been bought, waiting for the day they go down my shoulders. 4-inch stiletto heels that cause my ankles to audibly scream in pain grace my shoe rack. Jewellery that is only appropriate to wear at your sister’s wedding (I’m an only child) sits in the locker. I can sincerely say that when it comes to shopping, I’ve done my bit.
But there was a slight hitch in my assumption that shopping was my calling. You see there are people with tons of more money than me who’re doing a far better job of it. While I have covered every local mall/store/tailor/boutique in garage, people have taken their craft internationally. Apparently Bobby Deol has sunglasses from every continent! Sigh! In the face of such obvious contributions I had to face the hard truth. I was nothing more than a mere drop in the ocean.
This setback put me on the path to self-discovery once more. I spent hours standing in front of the mirror, contemplating my reason of existence. I faced the mirror standing straight, slouched, sideways, upside down…and suddenly it hit me!
It’s what I’d been doing all my life. And am pretty sure will continue doing for the remainder too. I can speak about it for days, without a break. I have explored every aspect of it and am always abreast of any new developments in the field. It’s what I live with day in and day out. It’s my cause, my raison d'existence (throwing in a little French for some flavour). I was born to battle fat.
See, I’ve been overweight for as long as I can remember. Till my teens we lovingly called it puppy fat. As I grew older the puppy grew up to be a healthy St. Bernard. Then somewhere along the way I had some illness (the cause of much hilarity to my cousin Anju) and I was on steroids for a bit. Soon we started blaming the fat on them.
Miraculously as I entered the college the fat melted away and for three blissful years people saw the me that had been so well covered for so long. I thought the battle had finally been won but I was wrong. It was merely a short ceasefire and soon the fat came back to attack me with a new vengeance.
Obviously talks and agreements weren’t going to win this war and so I too began the offensive.
Gym memberships were taken, but it turns out merely paying your monthly fee isn’t going to cut it. You apparently have to go to the damn place and use those hideous machines. A deep analysis led me to believe that a diet should be my weapon of choice.
So I started eating healthy. But like every army has its moles, mine was my sweet tooth. Chocolates and ice creams managed to infiltrate my food and soon I realised that I wasn’t making any headway.
Then I read on the Internet that Bill Clinton had lost 14 kgs on a new diet called the “South Beach Diet”. Hell, if the ex president of the most powerful nation in the world is using it; it’s bound to work for me. So I zeroed in on ‘carbs’ as the new enemy and started eliminating them from my food.
It turns out carbs have a bit of a role to play in conducting basic bodily functions. Without going into gory details, I’ll just say that I welcomed carbs back into my life with open arms and a quiet apology.
Why not give gyms another try I thought? I’m older and wiser now and I’m sure I can make peace with the treadmill. I did, for a while. But then another problem came up. My ears and right arm started plotting against me! Every morning the alarm would ring and before my mind could process the sound my arm would turn it off. I’d finally wake up only to the sound of my maid violently ringing the door bell and by then I had just enough time to get dressed and make it to office within the grace period.
So I decided not to be a slave to gyms and their inflexible timings (how am I expected to make time in the short hours between 6 am and 10 pm?) I made my parents buy me a treadmill. Little foggy on what exactly happened there but somehow that treadmill has ended up at my aunt’s place. But don’t worry, it wasn’t a total waste. It’s used to hang towels and the like.
In my campaign against fat, the latest weapon of mass (mass like fat-mass...get it? he he!) destruction is a home exercise DVD. Its been used all of once as of now. But I’m not giving up on it as yet. It is after all my true calling and I have vowed to fight it all my life.
For all of you feeling some pity for me in my fight against fat, the joke’s really on you. At least I’ve found my higher purpose. What’s yours?
Posted by that girl in pink
| 3:51 pm
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5 comments
5 Comments
- at 2:31 pm lemontree said...
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dont want to break your heart but have to say this- i have to claim battle with the bulge as my higher calling- it sruck right beside me even thru the god damn college years..... hehe...
great post!
- at 12:29 am that girl in pink said...
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lemon tree,
you and i are united in our fight. and we have to win this one together. allies together!! hurrah!
- at 9:52 am said...
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My higher calling in life is to get you to publish these writings!!!! Madam, wot update on that front? Remember, I will not give up with out a fight ;-)
And hey, like lemontree, me too has had fat to deal with all my life - there has been NO lean period at all!
- at 6:25 pm said...
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hello gals!
nids ur the funniest, believe me when i say, was laughing out loud in my very stiff corporate office!!! honestly I know ur response to this but just be happy the way u are coz ur still the hottest...and beat us all hands down!
btw...if i had the money i wud for go in for a lotta lipo suction and look like a model...coz after all we all just have one life! And believe all that we see around us is engineered!
u've seriously got me thinking on the subject though.
- macker
- at 12:57 pm said...
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lemontree said...
said...