Friday, August 26, 2005
Analysing serious diseases
Alright class, today's topic of discussion is a common yet deadly disorder afflicting humankind since 1867. Well, we're not sure of the exact date but that's not what's important. What's important is that this disease has been creating havoc in people's lives for way too long and I suspect not enough research is going into finding a cure. Ok, I admit AIDS and cancer research might be a trifle more important but it would be wrong of us to belittle this dangerous disease. It can strike anytime, can be potentially fatal (I'm telling you its serious!) and most important of all, I seem to have a chronic case of it. The foot-in-the-mouth disease.
Why? Why why why? Why is it always the good people of the world who have the worst fate? I mean no one any harm. When I open my mouth the best I hope for is for something smart and witty and kind to come out. And at worst something marginally dull that my hapless listener can ignore. How is it then that my brain manages to string a bunch of words in the worst possible way to convey a meaning that would hurt, offend or really bloody piss off the person I'm talking to?
I'm just a normal person with an average IQ (well actually I'm near genius if tickle IQ quizzes were to be believed but that's a whole other blog) who's actually in the business of writing for a living. Give me a word file with built in spell check, thesaurus.com and something to write about and I'm OK. I may not be winning a booker anytime soon but then neither am I incurring the lifetime wrath of some poor sucker who happened to read my crap. Why then can't I maintain the same level of not-pissing-people off when I'm talking to them?
One of the most serious symptons of the dreaded foot-in-the-mouth is that it chooses it's victims. So i'm talking to the skinny chick with the awesome skin and cutting sense of humour and only the most doltish things come out of my mouth. Put me with my boss who's going to one day do my appraisal and decide my raise and things like, "I was wondering how someone with a BMW could know you" come out.
The funny thing is that while these deadly words are pouring out of my mouth a part of my brain is screaming for me to STOP! Don't speak any more! Put your cell phone in your mouth or eat your shoe or just do anything that'll get you to stop talking. But no, oh no. People with foot-in-the-mouth disease do not listen to good advice. Yet another symptom of this cruel sickness.
So anyway, having suffered from this serious serious disorder and having been completely unable to find any medication that helps I've decided to give 'not talking' a try. That's right. The next time you go out and see a girl sitting absolutely quiet and opening her mouth only to put booze or food into it you'll know it's me. Hey, there are other ways of communicating. Technology has given SMS and blogging. And i'm sure you can't screw up too much with sign language. So until those folks at all those fancy research centres give this disease its due importance and come up with a solid cure I am keeping my trap shut. And that means Mr. Blog, you will be seeing a lot more of me. And I know I can't tick you off. Cuz in the exciting world of blogging, there's always backspace and delete.
Posted by that girl in pink
| 11:05 pm
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1 comments
1 Comments
- at 1:14 pm Raja said...
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funnyyyy..
