name: that girl in pink
location: Somewhere, India
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Thursday, May 24, 2007

Guilty Pleasures

Everyone has secrets.

Some are the big-turn-your-world-upside-down kind – the child I’m carrying is not my husband’s, but really his best friend’s. I’ll just have to create a fictitious aunt to attribute its grey eyes to.

There are others that are equally big and while they may not lead to a divorce court, you’d rather they stay under wraps – the name of that weight loss program I went on is not really Weight Watchers but Liposuction. But I’m finally thinner than my best friend and I’ll be damned if I ever let her find out the truth.

Then there are the itsy-bitsy ones you wouldn’t really give your life to guard - that night you got drunk and sang, that cool space pen you stole from your boss’s desk – little stupid things you don’t really care that much about.

And then there is that other category of secrets. Things you do that are well within legal and moral guidelines and yet you’d rather die than have anyone find out about them. Little indulgences that give you so much happiness, but alas, come with a warning label: DO NOT TRY THIS IN FRONT OF PEOPLE. Little things you also refer to as guilty pleasures.

Fortunately for me, I have the shroud of anonymity; so discussing them here is really like confessing at church. And like all those do-gooders who come on Oprah and spill their guts in front of millions of voyeuristic viewers, I too am doing this for the betterment of mankind. Who’s to say, maybe some other miserable soul stuck in a similar prison will find solace in my company. And if that’s not a good deed, I don’t know what is.

Let the catharsis begin.

Guilty pleasure #1. Watching Colgate Maxfresh Antakshari on Star One.

I’m not a snob. I have nothing against film based singing competition with Anu Kapoor as a host. But if you’ve ever watched this particular film based singing competition with Anu Kapoor as a host you’ll understand why I always make sure to keep the drapes drawn and volume at a minimum while I watch it.

To begin with the teams are called North ki Shaan, East ki Aan, West ki Jaan and Central ka Maan. Cringe.
Then, there’s the matter of Anu Kapoor’s co-host. To be cruder, louder, uglier and more overbearing than Mr. Kapoor is theoretically impossible. And yet the good people at Colgate Maxfresh and Star One have managed to comb the nation and find a woman who fits all the above criteria. My brain has blocked her name out (I guess the human body has its own tools of dealing with trauma), but her face and costumes are tattooed in there forever. It’s possible that her god given features are tolerable but on Colgate Maxfresh Antakshari, it would be impossible to comment. On this show, she comes dressed as a swatch card for every kind, size and colour of sequins known to man. Sometimes her outfit will combine sequins with beads, feathers, ribbon and yards of velvet. My contact lenses have been known to mysteriously jump out of my eyes and not be found until the end of the show. Like I said, I guess the human body has its own defense system.

You force yourself to tear your eyes from the hosts, only to be thoroughly confused by the participants and audience. This show evidently gets its jollies by dividing the nation into four regions and pitting them against each other. In all of this, the south has been ignored. I suspect the south Indians had too much dignity and politely asked to be excluded. Because really, the rest of the country is just out there making a complete buffoon of itself. They sing, they dance (yes dance. On a singing competition. They do choreographed dances.), the cheer, they boo, they even ask for instant replays to make sure a competing team didn’t cheat. Criiinge. One time, the zone captain went up to her team to whisper a strategy into their ears. What strategy could you possible need to win at Antakshari?!? Either you know a song starting with the letter P or you don’t!

Although I must state that Colgate Maxfresh’s take on Antakshari is very different from the pastime the rest of the country indulges in on long train journeys. As far as I remember, there is no round where you start a song with the letter P, Q or R. This version is a complicated mix of recognising songs based on which actor’s mother was in a movie and the game taboo. It honestly is beyond my comprehension, which is fine since my method of watching it includes hiding behind and mutilating any cushion that had the misfortune of being in my vicinity.

If this show is as shitty as I make it out to be (and I promise you, it is), why do I watch it?

Because I enjoy it intently. I rub my hands in glee as I wait to see what “crude female co-host” will wear this time. And she’s so crude, I can’t believe someone put her on TV. Once they even staged an inter-host fight where one of them waked off the stage! I didn’t catch that episode and will never forgive myself for missing it.

I must also confess my awe for the sheer knowledge of the contestants. Do you know a song from a movie directed by Jaikishan Ludhianvi Sehgal’s brother-in-law’s daughter? Well, they do and they deserve to be on TV just for that.

If you’re as intrigued by Colgate Maxfresh Antakshari as I am, you can catch it on Star One. It’s on all the time and I recommend it as an excellent cringing past time. Do watch it, at least my poor maimed cushion and I will know, we’re not alone in this humiliating, but oh so pleasurable, guilty pleasure.

The rest of the guilty pleasures will be put up very shortly. I have to watch TV now. A favourite show of mine is about to start.

Posted by that girl in pink  | 12:22 AM  |  28 comments  


at 10:07 AM Blogger PizzaDude said...

//Once they even staged an inter-host fight where one of them waked off the stage!

Oh! I too wanted to watch that episode, but missed it. How absurd it must have looked to "stage a fight" in a pre-recorded show. But, like you said - Guilty pleasures. I was so curious about what the fight was all about. I think I am still a little bit curious. :D

at 10:16 AM Blogger Hyde said...

"What strategy could you possible need to win at Antakshari?!? Either you know a song starting with the letter P or you don’t!"

I think the strategy is to sing a song starting with P so that it "ends" with a hard-to-think-of-a-song-starting-with-that-letter letter. :-D

at 2:12 PM Blogger Shubhojit said...

Gosh! How do u manage to watch it. I've never seen it. But even after your guilt confession I think I'll spare my pillow :D

at 3:15 PM Blogger Lalit Singh said...

I am missing so much entertainment.

at 7:21 PM Blogger Spunky Monkey said...

Ah, confession time, pastor.
(But then, anonymity has me covered as well. I be Spunky Monkey and nobody knows me.)

I watch it too. Regularly! Very.
Call it catharsis or what you will, i enjoy it muchmuchly. Especially when the contestants get all vindictive. Aah, entertainment! And also when the sequined horror (who, by the way, says Aye to Juhi Parmar) *scolds* (no, not 'reproaches', she actually 'scolds' them) contestants for not living up to their zones' hopes and for being dudheads (enough to listen to her rant sitting like ducks, instead of giving her a well placed scar).

Ah, vicarious pleasures i tell you. Somewhere in the very depths of our genomes, we have a codon that reads F-I-G-H-T.

at 7:27 PM Blogger Spunky Monkey said...

And yes, do NOT shorten the name of the programme. Blasphemy, i say.

Colgate Maxfresh Antakshari THE GREAT CHALLENGE.

at 1:26 AM Blogger the wannabe indian punkster said...

I laughed out loud after reading your post!

Are they seriously named 'North ki Shaan, East ki Aan, West ki Jaan and Central ka Maan'?


Oh and you need to check desipundit.

A certain punk seems to have tipped you off. :D

at 9:26 AM Blogger shub said...

*grin* Glad you're back, Miss Pink!

I guess the human body has its own defense system." rotflmao! :D

at 11:15 AM Blogger that girl in pink said...

hey pizzadude! from what i caught in the promos i think anu kapoor disagreed with juhi parmar (thanks spinky!) and she walked off in a huff. like, puhleease!

ah hyde! you may just be right!

it's horrible shubhojit! and honestly, i've only caught it a few times. its just that once i chance upon the channel, no force in the world can make me change it. it's weirdly hypnotising.

he he lalit! you're entertaining enough all the way there in denmark. that list of euphemisms was too good!

spunky! you ought to be ashamed of yourself. watching such crap and enjoying it?? :)
you're so right about the way she reproaches the contestants. god, she's CRUDE!!
and thank you for correcting the name. i humbly apologise for erroe.

yes punkster, it's true. and when they get a song wrong, they cry because they let down their zone's maan/shaan/aan or whatever the case maybe. sigh...

and hey, thanks so much for the tip off! i'm feeling pretty damn good about myself after that! :)

shub: :)

at 5:49 PM Blogger Raghu Ram Prasad said...

yes ... it is a nice story and very intersting...wonderful writing

at 11:12 AM Anonymous Anonymous said...

Even though you really are nt fortunate enough to have a shroud of anonymity as far as i'm concerend, this Maxfresh thing is one helluva confession!!!

Pinky Aunty, you are hilarious :) And me thinks ur post is infinitely more entertaining than the Maxfresh thingie...


at 8:01 AM Blogger Fleiger said...

Mine is watching "Aahat", "Sshhh koi hai" and other "horror" stuff, with a smattering of ye olde mythological serials.

Antakshari was once a very good program, but probably the concept got pretty old now. I for one don't like hearing amateurs sing, unless I am one of them ;)

at 12:09 PM Blogger Jenn said...

You know it sounds pretty interesting. I would watch it. (Heck I was hooked on Apprentice because of the manifold was Trump had of topping the ugly, rude, and unbearable, bewigged charts).

at 9:02 PM Blogger Aqua said...

yes...everyone has secrets :) come anu kapoor hasn't driven his current co-host off the show? he's famous for that no?

and my secret is...*drumroll* ...i've watched every episode of "big boss" (runs for cover)

at 12:05 PM Blogger Grey Shades said...

LOL!!! Nice :)

at 1:53 PM Anonymous Anonymous said...

The rest of the guilty pleasures will be put up very shortly. I have to watch TV now. A favourite show of mine is about to start.

So where's the promised sequel?


at 10:00 AM Anonymous Lakeside Ling said...

i'm glad to see you posting!

at 12:12 PM Blogger Shubhojit said...

I tried to see the show. The lady, Juhi Parmar, as my bad luck would have was dressed quite decently in a saree. But couldn't stick to the show for long as some other channel was playing a better movie :)

at 9:35 AM Blogger Pri said...

Omg! Heeeee What are you? My twin?
Pliss to be seeing.

at 2:02 PM Blogger Essar said...

Glad to have you back.. yeah the woman's called Juhi Parmar.. looks like i have higher threshhold for tolerating crap than you do :D

at 7:15 PM Blogger Mithila said...

This show's splashed all over! papers, tv et all. I've been trying to escape watching it for a loooong while! i mean, come on, a fight in every episode? those promos on tv are irritating! and Juhi parmar's costumes! "I only wear what the channel ppl give me." Ya rite!
Great post! i wanna watch it now just to laugh my head off!

at 3:14 PM Blogger lemontree said...

neat post pink.

and my guilty pleasure is making that nth lane, bordering on the wrong side of the road, so that i am ahead of my own record on a busy street by a few seconds

and please keep writing

at 8:30 AM Anonymous obelix said...

next post please ...

at 10:44 PM Blogger that girl in pink said...

thanks raghu ram prasad!

publicist: :) you're such a hound!

he he fleiger! you'll be surprised at how well some of these contestants can sing. of course some of them are also painfully bad...

i'm such a horror jenn. the only part of the apprentice i like to watch is the final boardroom scene. i love seeing them all fighting and bitching at each other.

aqua: don't stress my girl! in this space all shitty TV watching is not only forgiven, but also condoned.

thanks grey shades.

hey ling! how you doing?

at 11:19 PM Anonymous Lakeside Ling said...

doing better!

eager to read more of your posts - so glad to see you writing again :)

at 1:36 AM Blogger that girl in pink said...

shubhojit: dressed decently in a saree? That's impossible!

OMG pri! :)

essar: he he!

mithila: yeah and she behaves like a crude cow cuz the channel people ask her to!? As if!

lemon! you've been quiet too long girl.

obelix: as you wish...

at 5:01 PM Blogger raregenome said...

was scooping through various blogs came across this one,
i rarely watch the idiot box, but one day while baby sitting my youngest cousin i had to watch that drama.. and the level of crudeness surpassed its limit when JuHi PaRmAr the brainless host irritatingly told a 4 year kid whose name was also JUHI and who couldnt get the dance form of "Mujra" into her cranium correctly, that "Mujhey sharm Ati Hai Ki Tumhara Naam Juhi Hai" Now dats Fu** thing to say to a small child who innocently said," i didn't know"!!!
Dats the Max Fresh ...lvel of fresh rudness!!!

at 1:55 AM Blogger Screwdriver said...

This is hilarious!

Makes you wonder what human mind is capable of! By that I don't mean your blog, I meant the creators of this ridiculous show!


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