name: that girl in pink
location: Somewhere, India
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Saturday, September 26, 2009

Model Week

I hate people who use the internet as an online journal. People who feel compelled to broadcast their every thought, action and feeling.

'Blah Blah had her second mojito and is feelin gr8.'
10 minutes ago.

'Blah Blah just ordered another mojito. OMG! It's going 2 B a crazzzzzy night! :)'
7 minutes ago.

'Blah Blah is having such a blast time with her friends. I luv u guyzzzz!!!!!!!!'
3 minutes ago.

'Blah Blah thinks there's nothing like the company of good friends and a cocktail on a warm evening. but i'm going to be soooo hungover tom!'
20 seconds ago.

Oh Blah Blah, please! For your real and virtual friends' sake and your mojito's sake and your thumb's sake, put down that blackberry and try actually just living the moment, and not typing it out for the world to read.
(And if you absolutely insist on telecasting every minute of your existence, I implore you, for the sake of my eyes and survival of my brain cells, use FULL words. If you can put 37 Zs at the end of a word that should ideally not contain even one, I'm sure you don't need to save space by writing 'gr8' instead of 'great' (that's a saving of 2 characters) or 'luv' instead of 'love'. For the love (not luv) of everything that's right with this world, USE ORIGINAL SPELLINGS! You and your generation have taken it upon themselves to massacre the English language and I can't, simply cannot, abide by it anymore!!)

Phew! OK, had a little mini meltdown there. Deep breaths. I'm feeling better now. It's not a big deal but it had to be said. Feeling much better. Much better.

So like I was saying, I hate people who use the internet as an online journal. I mean, come on, people have better things to do than to read every excruciating detail of someone's day. And unless you're a spy with a double oh status or someone really important and special, like say George Clooney, nobody really cares if your boss is a prick or a dick. Everybody's boss is a dick or a prick, your own subordinates think you're one or the other, so stop yammering about it online.

And that's why I feel a little sheepish about what I'm about to do. It's a new venture of mine that I'm calling 'Model Week'. Truth be told, it's really nothing but an online journal. For a week. And no no, it does not involve models or anything glamorous like that, so if that's your scene, now would be a good time to stop reading any further.

Let me expand on the concept of Model Week. It's a whole week during which I will be at my best or model behaviour. It's a week of...yeah, that's pretty much the entire expansion. What constitutes model behaviour? you may ask. OK, starting Saturday, September 26, for a whole week, I shall:

  1. Stick to my diet with a maniacal passion.
    • I shall not pop in little bits of chocolate when no one's looking and pretend it doesn't count.
    • When I want to indulge in a "handful" of peanuts as a healthy snack, the reference hand will be of average human proportions and not the size of baseball glove.
  2. Go to the gym for at least 6 of the 7 days that make up the week. I shall also remember that simply turning up at the gym and standing in front of a mirror whilst looking disgustedly at my body does not qualify as a workout. I shall follow the exercise regimen created by the instructor and push myself to becoming leaner and stronger.
  3. Write something everyday. Even if I don't post it, I have to HAVE TO get back to writing.
  4. Trim the number of hours I waste on the internet. Watching How I Met Your Mother, reading Mad Men episode reviews and playing Scrabble on Facebook is NOT productive work.
  5. Curb my addiction to Archie comics. Admonishing lecture to self: The guy at the lending library thinks you're a freak. You're a 30 year old woman who slathers sunblock on her face in order to walk to the market to in the middle of the afternoon because you have to have a Betty & Veronica Double Digest. It's inexplicable. And it must be stopped!
    For the coming week, I shall not get more than 3 Archies. (But 3 double digests, the single ones are ridiculously thin.)
  6. Sleep on my back. Apparently sleeping on your side can cause wrinkles!! I'm not making this up. Now I don't mean to promote excessive vanity or any such vice, but I don't want wrinkles just yet either.
  7. Stop making life miserable for my poor husband. I will be the epitome of patience and goodness. After this week, I will most likely explode, but such are the demands of model week.
  8. Sleep on time (before the sun comes up) and wake up on time (in the AM).
  9. Not bitch about how it's-almost-October-and-still-so-fucking-hot more than once a day.
  10. Generally be a happy, positive, Mother Teresa-esque character for the next 7 days.
I shall monitor my progress and update it on my blog so my two readers can share my model week with me. Everyday I will describe in excruciating detail my activities, my victories (if any), my failures (that's the section to watch out for) and my general mental health. Yup, I am becoming my most despised personality type - the online journal keeper. Why? I don't quite know.
Additional point # 11. I shall think about why I'm doing this and come up with an answer by the end of the week.

For now, I shall say toodles and catch up on the antics of Barney and Gang. After that, Model Week, here I come!!!!

Posted by that girl in pink  | 2:08 AM  |  5 comments  


at 2:46 AM Anonymous Anonymous said...

all the best, you can do it. I agree with people posting crap online !!
I will try and follow the model week myself :-)

at 4:39 AM Anonymous Anonymous said...

gasp! sounds like an exciting new venture!
.. do try to be gentle on the poor hubby once you're done and over with it :)


at 2:04 PM Anonymous Anonymous said...

oh! so a new venture that started when i wasn't around... nice! let me first read the other posts you've written and then see how you've fared so far :)


at 10:36 AM Blogger lemontree said...

hey pink! this is hillarious and superbly written. I guess I am at the start of some sort of model week myself. lol

at 9:53 AM Anonymous YourCousinFromAnotherLand said...

Hey Lady... I dont know if you get notifications when someone posts a comment. In any case, I am missing your craziness. Help me liven up my day, wilya?


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