Thursday, November 10, 2005
Pondicherry Post
Last weekend, being a long one (and me being unemployed), we took a trip to Pondicherry. Lovely city, very warm people, over hyped ashrams, fabulous drive and an over all great experience. There was however one terribly odd thing about the city. Most hotels in the French quarters, while beautifully decorated, have this strange quirk about bathrooms with openings into the bedroom. Some bathrooms simply have no doors (just a gaping rectangular hole where the door should be), other have windows which cannot be shut, some have those half swing doors you see in a doctors clinic and then some have these holes cut out all over the wall dividing the bedroom and bathroom.
Finding this most peculiar, I decided to investigate. So one evening I had a chat with some locals (Mr. Smirnoff and Ms. Lime Cordial) and finally managed to get the story. Below is a report that might shed some light on the mystery of the “Door less bathrooms of Pondicherry.”
It was sometime in the 1600s when the French decided to set base at Pondicherry. Seeing that it would be a long voyage to India they decided to carry with them everything they could possibly need in this strange and unknown land. Fair enough, since the option of later calling mom and asking her to please courier “my black sling backs” wasn’t really there. So the ships were loaded. With high French beds, exotic cooking herbs, perfumes, powders, wigs, yards of fabric, riding boots, French windows, architects, sculptors, painters, stencils of French accent marks, pretty much everything most of us would like to take on a trip, if only it wasn’t for that damn 30 kg thing airlines limit us with.
Well prepared and in the high spirits that always warrant the invasion of a new land, the French set sail for the sultry shores of Pondicherry. After a long and interesting journey with some well deserved shopping breaks at Sri Lanka, they finally set foot on Pondicherry. Within days, development work began; existing villages were torn down and the locals were quickly designated to bearer and punkah swinging capacities.
It was while the new French buildings were coming up that a young engineer noticed something odd. Amongst all the material they had carried with them, one item was alarmingly low in numbers. The doors. Someone had grossly miscalculated the number of doors that would be required to make a complete house. L’enquirie commission was set up and it was found to be a case of miscommunication. You see, the French word for door is “porte” and when the orders were being placed, the supplies in-charge heard it as “potty”. Having once served in the ‘Light Brigade’, he decided it wasn’t his to reason why, but to simply do and so he packed half the number of “portes” and double the number of “potties”.
(This incident also explains the existence of the bidet. Since they were saddled with twice the number of commodes they could use, the French decided each bathroom should have two commodes, one to do your business in and the other solely for cleaning up.)
So anyway, here they were, in a new land with half the number of required doors and a lot of building work in progress. The French intelligentsia put their heads together to figure a way out of his door-less quandary. And suddenly, “A-ha!” said Pierre Dumefucke, “I have got it! Let’s not put any doors on our bathrooms!”
“It’s perfectly logical,” he continued, “The bedroom is where we carry out our amorous activities and the kitchen needs a door to protect our top secret recipes. The study has to have a door to prevent the illiterate Indians from reading our plans in French. That only leaves the bathroom!”
“I see, I see,” concurred Jaques Stupide, “I see your point. Besides, what happens in a bathroom that requires privacy anyway? We bathe twice a year and our other activities provide such sweet sound. A gurgling brook, a child throwing pebbles into the brook. I’m sure it’ll all be very pleasant to hear for the person in the bedroom outside.”
“Oui oui!” exclaimed Philippe P’Brain, “and do not give any thought to the smells that might emit from a door less bathroom. After all, what is the French perfume industry for?”
At this, they all laughed happily, clinked their glasses of wine together and the verdict was passed. “All French houses will be made without bathroom doors.” By order of the Pondicherry-French planning committee.
(Some French claim that this is the origin behind the open-door policy but that is yet to be validated.)
In 1954, the French handed Pondicherry back to the Indian government. While bidding farewell to his beloved Pondicherry the teary eyed French governor took the head of the Indian union aside and asked a promise of him, “for old times sake.” (Like when we ruled over you and treated as slaves…good days!)
“Promise me, you will continue the tradition of the open bathrooms in Pondicherry. So that every time some one goes to take le crap he gets constipation due to embarrassment and his friend outside is forced to stuff his ears and nose with cotton. Let open defecating be the legacy the French leave behind in India.”
Sob.
“Au Revoir!”
Posted by that girl in pink
| 11:53 am
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7 comments
7 Comments
- at 4:43 pm said...
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After a 10 day long hiatus I demand atleast 2 more posts from you.
I still want to go to Pondi... even tho the story of door-less bathrooms is insane!!!
- at 5:08 pm said...
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hi pink,
absolutely crazy post! infact, it must find mention in the lonely planet.
where they should also remember to mention how women must NOT hitch a ride in delhi.
Or that the rickshaw fare from bombay airport to bandra is not rs 250, 300 or 450 in bombay.
As for me, i'm never planning anything more than 24 hours in pondi now. that's the max my bladder etc can hold up!
neha
- at 2:52 am Vijayeta said...
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LOL...Its 3 AM and i'm sitting here grinning! I love Pondicherry,and yes, the ashrams are overhyped! But Park Guest House is lovely...
Doorless bathrooms...now u got me thinking...
- at 1:03 pm said...
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U have become very irregular with your posts. It's not fair to us - your faithful readers : (
- at 1:08 pm Sukanya C said...
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Hi there,
What a great post!! Simply loved it. Waiting for more...lucky that I stumbled upon your blog!
- at 11:58 am said...
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- at 12:19 am said...
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I apologise, but, in my opinion, you are not right. I am assured. I can prove it. Write to me in PM, we will talk.
said...
Vijayeta said...