life through pink colour glasses: Of Vikings and Teutons

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Of Vikings and Teutons

Today I was surfing the net, looking for some information on Vikings. Fun as this may sound, let me tell you, it wasn’t. It was for a ghastly project involving conceptualising and naming a children’s clothing store.

I cannot roll my eyes and snort enough to express how I feel for the species. And I assure you; children today are a different species from us. Seriously, I think, those crop circles may not be a hoax, some aliens have actually slyly infiltrated the earth’s population and sowed their seed amongst us. The fruit of that interaction is what you see in the form of today’s kids. They may look, and occasionally behave like us, but inside they’re a whole different species.

I’ve got statistics to prove it.
Apparently 5 year olds do not like “cute”. They like everything to have an attitude and they’re not interested in impressing anyone.
There are actual existing schools today that include in their prospectuses their policy on boys and earrings: one earring is ok, two are not.
Today no child (of any age) will be caught dead enjoying Enid Blytons and Disney Cartoons. Apparently they’re too kiddish. So said a child of 6. I’m sure you can understand my horror.

So anyway today I was online, looking for information on the Vikings. (Just realised I digressed quite a bit from what I actually wanted to write about.) While going through various sites I somehow stumbled upon some information on the ‘Teutons’. Now usually I’m not one for wasting time on stuff I’m not interested in. But lately something has happened that makes me stop, read, process and memorise every bit of trivia I might see. (In case anyone’s curious, the Teutons is the cultural hearth out of which all the various Germanic peoples emerged.)

That something is KBC 2. Or like Amitabh Bachchan likes to call it, “Kaun Banega Crorepati, dviteeeeeeeeeeeye.” I’m convinced that’ll be my redemption.

Ever since KBC 2 was announced I have been hoping to get called for the show. I know my chances are 1 in a trillion but like I tell myself, someone has to get selected. It may just be me!

So I’ve started answering KBC entry questions everyday via SMS@Rs 6/message. It has contributed healthily to my phone bill but optimism always wins over logic. What’s the loss of a few hundred rupees when I’m going to win lakhs, maybe crores?

I’ve started reading the paper (the whole paper, not just Bangalore Times) and watching hitherto undiscovered channels like NDTV, CNBC and Star News. Now when I watch African lionesses attack and kill their prey on Discovery I’m not just imagining my branch head as the deer but also noticing neighbouring vegetation, time of day and the lioness’s chosen tree to hide and carry out the ambush from. You just never know what Computerji might ask you on KBC 2.

I also have a ready list of people I’m going to call in case I need to use the phone-a-friend lifeline. I personally think that’s a pretty useless lifeline cuz usually your friend is not only as dumb as you but also unluckier than you with his answers. After all you got called to KBC 2, not he.

But it’s a lifeline and Mr. Bachchan says, “woh humein zyada se zyada dhan rashi deke ghar bhejna chahte hai” so we must make the most of it. Which is why I have categorised people according to subjects. For instance if it’s a question on sports I’ll call my husband (unless its expressly on Sachin Tendulkar. In that case, I call my brother in law.) If it’s a question on history my dad is the best person to call and if it’s a question on movies I’ll call my DVD library guy. See, if you plan in advance even a seemingly useless lifeline can save the day.

I have of course, completely worked out how I’m going to dress for the show. Going to wear my new Esprit pants and black FCUK top. Black is slimming and that’s crucial because the camera supposedly adds 10 pounds. Toe nails are painted to glimmer through my black open toe sandals and finger nails are cut short so as to provide speed and agility in the Fastest Fingers First round.

(Just had a thought. What if I play so well that I don’t get thrown out in one episode and have to carry on to the next episode? I’ll need a whole new look for the next day.
Note to self: Must keep 3 wardrobe back ups in case of good luck/mumbai floods ruining clothes/clothes getting stolen/coffee-spilling incident (most likely).)

My behaviour on the show will be calm yet charming. I will shake hands with Mr. Bachchan, say something intelligent and proceed to win my booty and get out. Still undecided who to take with me to the show. Nobody else seems to share either my interest or absolute certainty that KBC 2 is the answer to my problems, the only way I’ll be able to finally go to my boss and say, “Take your job and shove it! You call this an agency? You call yourself pada-likha? Grrr!!!!”

Basically I’m as ready as I can ever be. I know who the Teutons are, I know names of Peruvian dictators, I feel I can add some glamour to the show (the coloured hair, the lip gloss-its gotta be good for ratings) and unlike most other people who go to the show, I really deserve the money. So come one Mr. Bachchan, what you waiting for? Just get your people to pick up the phone and call me to Kaun Banega Crorepati, dviteeeeeeeeeeeeeeye.

Posted by that girl in pink | 11:42 pm | 5 comments

5 Comments

at 12:33 pm Anonymous said...: pink, not only do you have the best legs on the planet, you've also the bravest heart.

Imagine being disqualified on the Rs 3000 question.

Imagine forgetting the vice president's name.

Imagine people the world over recognizing you for your follies! In the pub. At a party. On the freakin road!!!
at 1:44 pm lemontree said...: pink, i think that's our own little monica warning you of what might happen...
but please ignore

like you i am sure once u get the chance and are on the hot seat there is no way you are comning back with anything less than a crore

and since i am the supportive influence in the 'kbc-apriant-part' of your life you have to take me with you
am getting my outfits ready

and just incase you are questioned on any kind of slimming product ever invented, a diet or any trivia on firneds and while you are jogging your memory you can always look at me in the audience and through our effective code system we can confrim the answers

see i have a full fledged plan
at 5:23 pm Anonymous said...: Ha haaa... i almost fell off my chair reading ur post and then lemontree's comment succeeded in getting me off my chair and flat on the floor. You girls are brilliant as far as strategy goes. So go ahead and keep sending those messages, and lemontree, do please hurry and get ur wardrobe in order (think u do already!) and don't let anybody stop you!!!

Oh btw Pink, my mom's pretty much got the same plan as you... am beginning to get inspired...
at 9:02 pm that girl in pink said...: anonymous, did you not read the part about surfing the net and memorising every bit of trivia i see? there's no way i'll get booted out before 50 laks atleast. although u've got a point, if they ask me abt the vice-prez i'm screwed.
lemon tree, u and i are gonna be the poster girls for KBC 3! just waiting for star TV to call me & we'll be on our way to mumbai.
publicist, thank u for your confidence in our strategy. rest assured part of the proceeds will go to you. ;-)
at 7:45 pm Anonymous said...: Food for thought: ' Todays kids are a result of our doing'

I don't think you are appropeiate for KBC2. With your good looks and intelligence I feel you deserve nothing less than an international platform, where instead of Esprit you can wear Versaci and instead of Mr. Bachchan the pleasure of holding your should be given to the likes of Clooney / Pitt