name: that girl in pink
location: Somewhere, India
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Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Did someone ask about the perfect lover?

Dear George,

George George George! My dear sweet George. First of all, congratulations on the Oscar. I forget what you won it for but even if you haven’t acted in a single movie in ten years you deserved it. You deserve more than an Oscar. You make people happy. You give us a reason to live for. You make the world a better place. And for that you deserve a Nobel Prize.

Now for the bad news. George, we have a problem. See, all of us mortals had been brought up to believe that nobody in this world was perfect. We may dream of a certain somebody we want to spend our lives with, write out long lists of his attributes, imagine frolicking through sun kissed apple orchards with him, but deep inside, we all know he doesn’t exist. We all knew there were compromises to be made and we’d made our peace with that.

And then you came along.

You look like a God. You act. You direct. You give delightful Oscar acceptance speeches. You’re witty, yet sensitive. Intelligent yet goofy. You are serious about your craft, yet are able to crack jokes at bad movie choices in the past
(In my opinion you have never made a bad movie. Every role you ever played deserved an Oscar. If you ever come to India get in touch with me. I’ll make sure you get at least 8-10 top Indian Cine awards.) You make having a pet pig seem normal. You dress well, act your age, never make an ass of yourself and own a friggin villa in Italy for God’s sake!

Do you see what you’ve done Georgie? You’ve given every woman (and many men) a glimpse at a dream. A peek into something we never thought possible. You’ve shown us perfection and now we’re all screwed.

What’s gonna happen the next time a girl is not sure about committing to a guy because his ears are too big? The usual persuasive arguments of “nobody’s perfect” are not going to cut it, are they? Oh no! Because now we’ve all seen you and the secret’s out. Some men are perfect and we’re not going to settle for anything less.

George Clooney, you’ve really upset the apple cart. You who refuse to settle down are making sure nobody else has a chance at it either.

My only consolation right now is that you’re single. You obviously haven’t found anyone to match your level of perfect-ness. I would point you in the right direction but I think you’re smart enough to figure that out yourself. Ahem.

So I end this missive as I started it. With many warm wishes on your recent victory. Here’s to many more in the future.

Good luck and kisses,
x x x

Posted by that girl in pink  | 12:36 PM  |  29 comments